by kindred | Jan 27, 2015 | Uncategorized
Did I ever think about looking for my biological family when I was younger? The short of the long of it is that “no,” I never really did. I knew that they were out there. I knew that it was something that I needed to deal with at some point in my life. But I never made an active search. Or should I say, I never actively thought about searching for them. To me it was one of those “rare” feats that I didn’t believe would ever come true. I’ve talked to many adoptees in the past who have had pretty disappointing and negative experiences with the search, so I was happily content with not wanting to search. Or think about searching. But then a few months came before I was about to head to Korea for the International Korean Adoptee Association summit and I had “what if” moment. I thought….what if this is the last chance I ever have to look. I thought…what if this is the last time I visit Korea for a very long time. I thought….what if they actually are out there? I just need to look? It was after that brief moment and some consultation with friends and community members that I decided “what the hell, why not?” I had made my peace with the idea that it might not happen and that I was ready for the inevitable not being able to be reunited. I started the search and contacted my adoption agency. It was relatively simple. Just fill out some paperwork and sit back and wait. Simple, right? And...
by kindred | Jan 20, 2015 | Uncategorized
On paper, I’m just another statistic, a number placed in records of teen pregnancy in small town Mississippi. My personal experience with unplanned pregnancy changed my life. It not only created a beautiful baby girl but it ignited a passion inside me to serve others. I realized at a young age that all of us find ourselves in situations we never imagined we would be in. It is in those difficult times when we need a helping hand. Navigating the adoption process was difficult for me but I had a counselor who stood by me every step of the way. After nine months of thoughtful consideration, I conceded that adoption was the best path for my child. I was overwhelmed by the support and love I received during my pregnancy. In the last nine years, I have attempted to give back the same love and support to not only those who gave it to me, but to every human being that crosses my path. Years ago, I spoke in front of a group of potential adoptive parents. They were more nervous than I was! Through conversation with them, I admit that I was surprised to hear that their greatest fear was not that their child could face some challenging handicap. Their greatest fear was that the birth parents of their adoptee might bring stress and pain into their lives post adoption. Many of them said that the horror stories they heard about birth mothers made them question whether adoption was the right path to take. Initially I wanted to share my story because I thought it would be therapeutic...
by kindred | Jan 13, 2015 | Uncategorized
“The sky is blue, the grass is green and we were adopted.” I’ll never forget sitting at dinner with Sam when she spoke those words. I have always felt truth in that statement, but realizing that not all adoptees felt the same way only begun to really affect me recently. My parents Judi and Brad always told me that I was their little gift from God, and I’ve always felt that with their unconditional love. Never did I yearn for a search of my biological parents. I never felt a missing piece or a hole that needed to be filled. I know most expected that from me and for a long part of my childhood. I always wondered why I didn’t feel that longing; was it weird that I didn’t feel the need? Having always been an independent woman, I guess I always had the love and acceptance of my parents. I didn’t need much more. I’ve always felt - though perhaps overbearing at times - such an abundant amount of love that I was almost blinded by the love of my family in the best way possible. My brother and I grew up together even though he was from my mom’s first marriage. Technically he’s my stepbrother but would I ever call him that? Never. Is he that? No, he’s just my brother. Just like my mom and dad aren’t my “adoptive parents,” that’s just silly to me. There is no “normal,” it is what it is and we were always more than OK with that. My desire to search for my birth parents never went further than...
by kindred | Jan 5, 2015 | Uncategorized
By Jackie Futerman I am Samantha Futerman’s mother. I have never thought of her as my adopted daughter, just as I never considered my two sons to be my biological sons. ALL three of them are my children, and I am their mother. Sam just happened to come into my life in a different way. I am grateful that my husband and I were in a position in our lives where we were able to afford the adoption process, and I am grateful that she was the child given to us. From the day we first heard of her birth, she was part of me and part of our family in every possible way. I am not an extremely religious person, but I feel that the events in Sam’s life were meant to be. She and Anaïs needed to be separated to allow them to become the people they are today and to develop the very special bond they now have. In recent months, I have met several adults who revealed to me that they had a twin. Many of their experiences growing up with a twin were far from perfect. People couldn’t tell them apart or wouldn’t try. They were referred to as “the twins” and rarely by name. Some were expected to do everything with their twin, including rooming at college. While they all love their twin, I felt an underlying sense of resentment as well. Maybe they were never given a chance to be themselves as an individual. Through no choice of their own (or mine), Sam and Anais avoided all this. They are wonderfully unique,...
